Julie Bane http://www.juliebane.com Comedian Writer Speaker Wed, 13 Sep 2017 01:00:56 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.6 Festivals http://www.juliebane.com/festivals/ Tue, 04 Mar 2014 00:22:05 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=61 I set a goal of being accepted into three festivals this year. I think when I set that goal I didn’t realize how hard it could be to get into festivals. And the fact that I chose three when I’d never even applied to one is puzzling. Nevertheless, I have officially been accepted into three festivals.

I will be performing in the LaughFest Amateur Stand-Up Showcase on March 13, at 7:30 PM. I’m super excited because I will be roadtripping with my friend and mentor Maggie Faris who is competing in the Best of the Midwest Competition. If you want you can learn more about LaughFest.

The last weekend in March I’ll be in Iowa at the Green Gravel Comedy Fest. See their goings on here. And in May I’ll be at the Women in Comedy Festival in Boston.

I’m pumped to get to participate at these festivals and see and meet other comics. Let the adventures begin!

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Job Interviews http://www.juliebane.com/job-interviews/ Tue, 04 Feb 2014 18:07:38 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=56 Interviews are always stress-inducing for me. Maybe because its the awkward things that come out of my mouth. In college I was working as a recreation leader and interviewing to be the program manager. I was asked what was the last book I read. I replied “Don Quixote” because it was a suggested reading for my Spanish class that summer. Then for fear they’d ask me about it I said it was the Spanish version. What the heck?! The fact that I worked with kids every day before and after school and couldn’t come up with any book name should have been a red flag. I got the job.

As a Quality Assurance Analyst (QAA) my manager convinced me to interview for a job at a company he had just gotten a job at. I liked working for him and the company sounded interesting so I applied and he got me an interview. I was in a room with two guys who looked like the founders Ben & Jerry’s. They were very smart and full of themselves. I felt uncomfortable the whole time because I didn’t have the level of technical skills needed for the job. At one point they started pulling items out of a bag and asking me how I’d go about testing them. Obviously my answers didn’t satisfy them because at one point, they asked to leave the room then came back in and said the interview was over and that I wasn’t going to work out. I was shocked by their candor but relieved that they had the guts to stop the interview when I didn’t.

Years, later while still a QAA I interviewed for the Consulting Manager job. I had several interview within my company and was now interviewing with the Human Resources manager. I don’t remember what the question was, but when I started answering it it jarred his memory of something. He started looking all over his office for this item he wanted to show me. I wasn’t sure if it was a test or not. Was I supposed to maintain composure and keep answering while this guy freaked out about not finding the item he wanted to show me? Was I supposed to offer to help him look through his messy office, which is what I did. I got that job, too.

I’ve gotten three other jobs by phone interviews only. And in one of those cases I never met my employer. We only talked by phone and emailed. In the other two, I met my managers once I started working for them.

Interviews are weird. But if I’ve learned anything about them its that the ones I go into more relaxed and not stressing about the outcome are the ones I do far better in.

Do you have a crazy interview story? If so I’d love to hear it.

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Santa Shop http://www.juliebane.com/santa-shop/ Sat, 14 Dec 2013 05:00:59 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=53 Every year for the last decade (and probably longer) my husband and I have volunteered to be elves at a domestic abuse shelter. As an elf, we are assigned a child to shop with. That child shops for gifts for their siblings and mom. By shop, I mean that we go to different rooms throughout the building. Each room is stocked with gifts for a different age group. The kids get to pick out whatever they want and its free. Then we take the kids to a wrapping station and help them wrap the gifts. Santa comes to the event and hands out stockings and books. It is my favorite holiday tradition that my husband and I do. I look forward to it for months.

The event runs Thursday, Friday and Saturday. We’ve always done it on a Saturday morning. And we’ve enjoyed that because since its the last day of the event, the kids can usually get a few extra gifts. I’m all about them getting extra gifts. But because my husband has to work on Saturday morning, we did it tonight on a Friday evening.

As usual it was a magical event. Kids are so excited to pick out gifts. And they love to wrap. Some of them never get to do this so its fun to be a part of watching how excited wrapping gifts makes them. And some of them have obviously never had free range of a tape dispensers because they like to put so much tape on the gift that their brother or sister will never be able to open it up.

The night went fast. That makes me sad. I can’t believe its over for another year. I hope this warm feeling that it gives me stays with me for a while. Savor the holidays people. It’s hectic and crazy. And sometimes its enough to make you wish it were over. But its a magical time of year that passes so quickly sometimes. So stop for a moment, take a breath, and enjoy it.

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Special Olympics Polar Bear Plunge http://www.juliebane.com/special-olympics-polar-bear-plunge/ Thu, 05 Dec 2013 06:55:16 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=49 I’m doing something crazy! I’m going to jump in a hole in a frozen Minnesota lake to raise money for Special Olympics Minnesota. I’ve never done it before so I’m a little nervous. Especially considering the temperature is in the 30’s here and I’m already cold. I can’t imagine what it, or the water temperature, will be like in March when I plunge.

Many years ago when I worked for Prudential they allowed you a couple days a year that you could use to volunteer in the community. I chose to volunteer for the Special Olympics track and field events at the University of Minnesota. I was assigned to work in the DJ booth.

At first I was bummed because I didn’t get to be on the field with the athletes, watching them compete. But as it turned out the DJ booth and professional DJ were a big draw for athletes before and after their events. If you’ve never seen a Special Olympic athlete dancing around with their medals I don’t know that you’ve experienced pure joy. It was magical.

I’ve always wanted to volunteer there again but I have yet to do it. I have gone to see them compete though. That is an amazing display of sportsmanship and triumph. Everyone should support that.

My husband is one of the organizer for our local Polar Bear Plunge so I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to help on this event. I’ve also supported my husband as he took the plunge. But never have I had the courage to do it until now.

If you’ve never seen this event, I’ll lay it out for you. In Minnesota, the winters get cold enough where the ice on lakes freezes. Then a team of people cut holes in the ice so plungers can jump in. A team of firefighters puts on wetsuits and stands in the water to help people as they plunge. So as a plunger, you jump into the freezing cold water, walk several feet to show, get out and get warm as quickly as possible. There are hot tubs to aid in this process. As, I believe alcohol before hand plays a big part in getting the courage to do this.

I’ve roped some of my comedian friends into doing this with me. Any comic who wants to join the team in welcomed. It’s for a great cause. The more money we can raise together the better. If you’d like to learn more, pledge or join the team, you can do so here: http://www.plungemn.org/team/comediansincoldwatergettingcolder

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Reality TV http://www.juliebane.com/reality-tv/ Tue, 03 Dec 2013 21:37:06 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=45 I was a huge reality tv fan. It started when I was getting my MBA. I worked 40 hours a week, spent four hours a week in class and another 10-12 studying. My way of unwinding was to watch mindless tv. And what’s more mindless than reality tv. There’s no plot or storyline to follow and get caught up in. You’re just watching peoples’ lives unfold on tv.

I loved shows like Temptation Island, The Apprentice, and The Mole. I watched a little of the The Bachelorette, enough to know who Trista was. Which is funny because years later she’d be my upline at B’s Purses, which from what I’m seeing online is now out of business.

In more recent years I’d fallen in love with all the Real Housewives except Tampa which I could never really get into. I also had a fondness for Teen Mom 1 and 2. I tried watching an episode of TM 3 but there was so much anger and hate that I couldn’t do it. And I watched Keeping Up With the Kardashians, up to the point where Kim took a giant dump on Kris Humphries. Since then I’ve sworn off anything Kardashian. In fact, I will vote for any politician who will offer a Kardashian-free America.

My husband hated that I watched these shows. If I had them on he’d put on his headphones because they annoyed him so much. For a while I would only watch them when he wasn’t around. Then I decided to try and cut them out of my life.

For the better part of a year I’ve stopped watching Teen Mom and Real Housewives shows. I’ve also stopped following them on Twitter. And I have to say, I feel better. I don’t feel like I want to pick a fight with people anymore, which you so often see on those shows. While I’ve detoxified from reality tv I’ve spent more time reading books and being productive. And I have to say it feels good.

Sure, I still watch tv. But I focus more on sitcoms and dramas. Shows that highlight the talents of writers. Every now and then I’ll catch a tweet that references one of my formerly beloved reality shows and I’ll get a slight pang of regret that I no longer watch them. But I get so easily sucked into those shows that I know its better to stay away. Besides, they never added anything good to my life so why open that box of crazy again.

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A Very Unlikely Botox Patient http://www.juliebane.com/a-very-unlikely-botox-patient/ Fri, 22 Nov 2013 22:46:03 +0000 http://www.juliebane.com/?p=42 People that use Botox are superficial and vain. They are obsessed with how they look. You can definitely spot a person who has had Botox. That is what I believed to be true.

I had Botox. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. It has been a life saver. Three years ago I was getting migraines every other day if not every day. They were debilitating. I had already lost my job due to them (although I think the HR person tried to cover her butt by assuring me they’d rehire me once I got my migraines under control.)

I was at my wit’s end. I have had migraines since my teens and they were growing increasing worse. I’d have success with a new medication only to grow immune to it after a year or two. Then I’d need to move on to a new medication. I’d seen a chiropractor, an acupuncturist and a massage therapist. These treatments seemed to work for brief periods of time. Although if asked by my husband I will swear that I need to get monthly massages to keep my migraines at bay. Because who doesn’t love a good massage.

My neurologist proposed that I get Botox injections. I was reluctant. It seemed like a vain option. Many people that get Botox can no longer display facial expressions. When you think of the people that have had Botox they all strike me as people that will do anything for their looks. Probably because they don’t have any real skills to fall back on.

My doctor explained that Botox was originally used for relaxing muscles. Only later was it found to be beneficial for cosmetic surgery purposes. I was willing to try anything at this point. At the same time, I’d come to expect that I’d always live with migraine pain for large chunks of time each month. I went back and forth for a couple weeks. But I eventually gave in to my doctor.

Botox injections are painful. He put the injections in my forehead, scalp, jaw, shoulders, and neck. I got some relief initially but the doctor suggested I have another injection three months later. So I did. At that appointment, I tried to get the neurologist to inject Botox around my eyes. As long as he was doing it, he might as well take care of some crow’s feet. He pointed out that I don’t get headaches there. Boo.

That was over two years ago. I’ve had very few migraines since that time. The ones I do get are easily managed with an over the counter medication and some caffeine. Recently I’ve had a few more migraines here and there. But nothing bad enough to go to the emergency room. Or have Botox again. Although it would be nice to see those foreheads wrinkles go away for a while again.

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My First Time http://www.juliebane.com/my-first-time/ Mon, 18 Nov 2013 23:07:30 +0000 http://juliebane.com/?p=1 No matter how good, bad or awkward your first time is you’ll always remember it. And chances are you’ll probably share the story with others at some point. That’s what I’m about to do with you.

I remember my first time like it was yesterday. It practically was. My friend had put me in contact with an older gentleman. She said he was very kind to newcomers but that he didn’t use Facebook. I would have to reach out to him the old fashioned way – by email. I sent him an email introducing myself and he replied within a few days. Not as quickly as I would have liked as I was excited to get my first time over with. Still I was thankful for his response and moving forward with this.

He told me to meet him at the South St. Paul. He said he’d be the older gentleman by the stage (as opposed to all the other older gentlemen that frequent a VFW.) When I got there I looked around the room and didn’t see anyone that fit his description so I grabbed a seat at the bar, making sure I had a view of the door.

I noticed there were several people taking the stage. At first I thought it was a Toastmasters meeting going on. I had been to many of them and this had all the makings of a Toastmasters meeting. But then little kids began getting on stage and talking about how wonderful their Grandma Ginny was. How she made the best chocolate chip cookies and read them bedtime stories. Each one of these kids had a great stage presence but their stories of their grandma ended in tears for them and me. I started to think that watching these kids memorialize their grandma was not the best way to set the stage for my first time. I also started to wonder if I was on a hidden camera show.

After all the children had shared their Grandma Ginny stories on stage they and their families shared some hugs and goodbyes and departed the VFW. After they had left, my odds of finding Dennis were greatly improved. Yet still, I was in search of an older gentleman in a VFW.

I narrowed down my choices and introduced myself to one of them. Turns out I got lucky as it was the man I was searching for. We talked over how things were going to go down. He said I could have five to seven minutes, which is way more than a first timer usually gets. I tried to act like I was used to this much stage time, like this was no big deal for me. I think I did a good job of acting like I wasn’t just an open mic comic for my first couple minutes. But then it hit. The dreaded migraine. It came on fast and hard, like I’d been hit by a lightning bolt.

I ended my set abruptly and made it to the restroom just in time for the vomiting. I’m sure the other women thought that I couldn’t hold my liquor. But I wasn’t a drinker. I didn’t need to be. I got migraines instead. It was like waking up with a hang over almost every day, minus the fun of drinking the night before.

Once there was a break in the vomiting action, I called my husband and asked him to come get me. I was in no condition to drive. I waited for him in the parking lot, where round two of vomiting took place. I’m sure many people have thrown up in a VFW parking lot. But it was still daylight out so it felt extra weird.

My husband had a friend drop him off so he could drive my car home. We went immediately to the ER, which I seldom did. But the migraine was so intense that I didn’t think twice about it. The ER was packed with people, which I’m sure was partly due to there being a full moon out. I just remember there was so much chaos and activity going on around. Usually I’d be all excited to overhear peoples’ stories, about how some drunk guy broke him arm skateboarding off the deck stairs or a woman head-butted the wall. But I was in so much pain I couldn’t even get excited about this.

I spent five hours in the ER that night. I was eventually given an IV and sent home to rest. And that is how my first time doing comedy went.

Usually an incident like this would be enough to keep me from ever doing it again. But no matter how awkward that first time was I liked it enough to try it again. And many more agains.

And that is how my first time doing comedy went down.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more comedy and life adventures.

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